My thoughts and readings turn a little morbid last night, as a result I have decided to confront that dark corner of my mind, that little demon that whispers - and if it doesn't work?
felipe, a good friend of mine, put me in touch with another soul who has gone through a similar experience, and who is still going through her treatments. Talking to her helped immensely. There shall be no names, but she knows who she is. Thank you again :-D
Emma once described me as a "cynical optimist": I optimistically expect the best to happen, but I cynically try to plan for the worst "so every surprise is a good one". I haven't done so yet for my current situation until last night, and now my demon is silent. I know what I will do should the worst occur, I know how I will make peace with this world.
Mind you, this doesn't mean I am expecting the worst to happen. It means in my usual style I have now cynically accept the fact the worst can happen and plan for it. I fully intend to look back on this entry 30 years from now, and smile at my own musing. But I think one thing would not change even then: how I would have made peace with this world. There is a fine line between blind optimism and darkest despair and I try to walk that line as best as I can.
Nurses woke me up at 4:00am for my pills again though. Doctor said there was no need for this kind of regularity so I will tell the night nurses next time and get some unbroken sleep. Or maybe I will just sleep earlier :-P
Woken up by an observation and a weighting. 65.9 kg from memory. Nurse Lee is back, and no one has taken my blood yet. Some one should or the doctors will get angry!
Feel pretty good even though I had relatively little sleep - but now I do sleep better with out that dark little whispering thing. Windows 2000 is still installing through Virtual PC. I don't know why I expected to be able to play BG2 through that thing, it is slow as a dog :-/
Horrah! Windows 2000 installed. Finally! I might get OddWorld Abe's Exoddus working... or not :-/ iBook won't accept the CDROM. GRRR. No matter, come weekend when I get my day leave, I can fix all this at home :D
Now to catch up on some news and stuff. Some one should be along to take some blood soon....
No blood yet. Nurse Natalie just came in and did a set of observations. We had a nice chat about how apple computers are fashion accessories and I defended my ibook as the best value student laptop :P
My statistics are good, though no one has taken any blood yet still. Still waiting for python stuff to finish downloading so I can start learning and using python in earnest. In the mean time, I will watch the 6th sense and wait for
- my Hickman's line change
- my change of clothing
- my blood sample
- python stuff to finish downloading
Nurse Lee took my blood sample, and my Hickman line change was a nurse assessment event :-) The nurse doing it passed with flying colours, so all is well :-) Python stuff finished downloading, but I haven't had time to look at them yet. Still trying to watch the 6th sense, so many interruptions!
Victor (K) called to tell me my University deferment went well, and I don't need to do anything else. Yay for Victor doing leg work on my be-half :D
My tubes are all out! Blood test results came back, I don't need any injections for once! Horrah! I can move around with out the pump now :D
This is might be Tube Free Day Number One.
At about 3:40pm I had a small nose bleed that stop with in normal times! Yay! No need for platelet infusion and stuff. At about 4:00pm Emma came to visit, shortly followed by Mum who bought some wonderful home cooking to supplement my diet of hospital food. Along with the food was a supply of clean clothing which is a God sent! It mean I could have a shower.
Mum and I talked about getting some money from Centrelink to cover the cost of fuel, and Emma and I watched Simpsons and Futurama as per our usual style. Mum left at about 7:00pm when Dad came to visit briefly.
At this point Emma and I have named my IV pump Toby.
John, his wife and son unexpectedly turned up at 7:30pm bringing with them some excellent beef soup. We had a nice chat, and they left ay 7:45pm. Andrew, Emma's brother, turned up at 8pm with a KFC chicken burger :P I been craving junk food, hehe. That was an excellent departure from my usual fares, and after a talk about my chemotherapy, it was time for them to leave at 8:40pm.
Unless something goes unexpectedly today, this will be Toby Free Day Number One. Depending on the results of my blood tests tomorrow, the weekends might be Toby Free Day Number Two and Three! Oh, today was also Pain Free Day Number Two!
Now for some python and back to the future...