November 09, 2005

Austnet Exposed - Update

Before I begin, this post is not about the borderline-legal or outright illegal slander, blatant immorality or unethical practices of the above site. The social commentary has been done. We know the ozzinet guys are dickheads, that doesn't need reiterating. This post is just because I'm highly amused and I'd like to share the joke. :)

Take a look at the above site. Oh, but if you're like me (I'm using Firefox, under Linux but the OS is probably not relevant), before you actually get to see it you'll get a nice little popup dialogue saying
A script on this page may be busy, or it may have stopped running. You can stop the script now or you can continue to see if the script will complete.
[Close] [Stop Script]

Hmmm...just inspires one to want to view the page, doesn't it? "There is a script running on this page. It is taking a long time. Can you really be bothered waiting?"

Well, I ran the script, because I wanted to see what was at this shiny new domain-name-inclusive version of the Ozzinet Austnet Exposed website.

Ok, ok, I use the term loosely. It's actually just one webpage. Originally written in Microsoft Word. Changed to html for portability (who'da thunk it, stuff on the web should be portable now? Gee Cletus...them new-fangled intarweb thingies are tricksy, hain't they?).

So, one wonders, why have such a bloated script to generate a simple - and it is very simple - webpage. Why, to protect -

ahahahahaha...bwahahaha...oh dear god...*ahem* sorry...

- to protect the code. Because, you know, it's very valuable. No doubt Microsoft is just hankering to buy them out to get their hands on this amazing code. Sadly they will be thwarted in their attempts to obtain it without said buy-out, because the clever folk responsible for this travesty of web design have disabled right-click.

Oh noes! Ph34r the st0rm!

When you, having an IQ greater than that of an amoeba, go to open the page source anyway, you get a nice message saying the HTML is protected, and a line of javascript.

The cunning! However will we thwart such evil genius?!?!

By the way, here is a plain-HTML mirror of the site, for those of you who don't want to be bothered waiting to decode their crappy javascript.

Yeah, we, um, hacked their box to get it. 1337 sk1llz mandatory. Super-protected code and all. *taps nose*

Actually it's amazing what copy and paste can do these days. Technology, eh?

Enough about the atrocious lack of the most basic web development skills displayed by this excuse for a webpage. Let's move on to the content, shall we?

Let's see, let's see...OK, I think I'll ignore the excessive use of hyperbole, leetspeak, and other language 'features' usually confined to the depths of Counter-Strike servers frequented by thirteen year old boys. Those are too obvious to bother pointing out. A cursory glance at the page in question will illustrate what I am talking about. :) So, hard as it is, we will ignore the abuse of the English language and proceed to what they are actually saying, or, well, more accurately, attempting to say.

So, what have we got...

Oh wow, they are offering free email addresses. I could never get one of those elsewhere, quick, I'd better sign up. Hmm,

Be apart of the AustNET Ownage experience!

Thanks for the kind offer. I will indeed stay apart from the Austnet, well, as we'll see it's not exactly worthy of that zero in '0wnage', now is it? ;)

The server is finally fixed, 100% workin and way better then AustNET.

Ah yes, because, y'know, getting your server working now is much better than Austnet's effort - that is, having had them working for years.

We are sick of all the AustNET SPAM!

Funny, the only spam I've seen on Austnet has been messages promoting Ozzinet, signed by st0rm, redundant ascii decoration included free of charge.

Try match out work!

Assuming that's meant to be 'our' (did they even read this before they put it online?), your...'work'? Googling hardly qualifies for the epithet, methinks.

Poor little AustNET. Feeling the pressure now?

No, not I be?

FEEL OUR COCKS!#@$@$ Pwned


So I says to the woman, I says, "But I don't even have a donkey!"


People are afraid of big changes, so things will be implemented slowly so you don't all get scared.

Your horoscope for today: A career in marketing is most definitely not for you.

"There's a war out there. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who has and controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!" Cosmo (Sneakers)

Isn't it lucky then that you are clearly a bunch of ignorant prats? :D

AustNET will probably be shut down in a week or so, so you might as well all come to and get your nicks and chans ready to register. Registrations will all begin 3rd Of July 2005 (Hopefully).

Mmm, might want to update that bit. Last I checked Austnet is still around. Just in case you can't read a calendar, it is now November 2005. November is the 11th month of the year. July is the 7th month of the year. 11 comes after 7, ok? Good boy, have a lolly.

No doubt the creators of the page under discussion will utterly fail to understand most of this post, so here it is in simple terms:

You do not own, or 0wn, or even pwn, not Austnet, not anyone. You cannot master the simplest of markup languages, let alone have any of the skills required to lay claim to that word. Austnet is, despite your delusions, still there. No one thinks you are cool, or elite, or even that you have big cocks.

No I'm serious. They really don't.


No really, talking yourself up on the internet doesn't bring respect.

Even if you use the word 'cock'.

Yes, even if you capitlise it!

Shocking, I know, but I'm sure you'll come to terms with it in time.