An follow up on the last round of language personifications, this time contributed by brett.
PHP
The crazy party girl you meet at Uni; she's easy to get along with at the beginning; she reminds you of other girls you've known before and hey, its a bit of fun; you're only young once. But after knowing her a few months the cracks begin to show; she's pretty inconsistent and while she tries to do favours for you and help you out, she ends up making it more complicated than it needed to be. The whole time you're with her, you have this sneaking suspicion that maybe you'd be better off with Perl, even if she's harder to speak to.
Javascript
The late bloomer; in high school she was pretty dorky; she couldn't do very much and while she might have spent time in different social circles, she could never really fit in. But now the puppy fat has dropped away and she's revealed herself to be one hell of a girl. She can do things you never would have expected a few years ago and suddenly she's the life of the party, appearing in places you never would have expected and doing things that make your jaw drop.
bash
The fat chick you picked up at that party, only because you were drunk and horny. You'd never tell your friends about it, but it got the job done, so to speak.
QBasic
Your first girlfriend in highschool. You were so nervous you didn't even end up kissing.
Many thanks again to brett for sharing these with us :-D
Cheers,
Steve