The following personifications of programming languages came about while I was discussing various languages with my friends. Basically we started off with a description or sentence about a language, and I personified. In spirit it is the OS-tans but for programming languages
"Very fast, good at a few things, sucks at everything else". An autistic girl who is very good at maths. You will also need to keep sharp objects away from her because she is happy to run with scissors, so to speak. Does exactly as you tell her, even if it means grievous harm to herself or others. Needs to be kept in a padded room to avoid hurting herself and others.
"I don't want code in it, but I can't help but like it". A girl who is so pretty you can't help but like her. Unfortunately she is also bat-shit insane, and will scratch your eyes out.
"Very flexible, does everything easily and without complaint, but slow as hell". A girl who is flexible and easy going. Can do complicated contortions easily, an absolute joy to be with. Only thing is she is a bit thick.
"Overtly verbose, unnecessarily strict, but pretty fast". She is one of those girls who you need to constantly buy gifts for in order to keep her satisfied. She will also continually talk non-stop about a variety of things, most of them inane. However she is of average intelligence and comes with a lot of accessories by default.
"Its like C, only dumber". Well thats it really. ASM is C-like, but even more autistic and a bit more dangerous.
"Well, its perl". Ah, perl. Perl is a girl like python, except she doesn't speak your language, and you don't speak her language. Over time the two of you have worked out a pidgin language which is a mismush of sign language, latin, french, foot stomping, hip gyrations, eye rolling, tongue poking, and so forth. No one else knows what you and perl are saying, and sometimes you don't even know what each other is saying and can only make wild guesses.
Thats all I have for now, will update when I have more to write :-)